The Eight Types of Drivers

by June Wilcox

     There are many drivers in America.  However, for every driver there is a type to which he belongs.  There are eight well-known types. 

     The first type of driver is the communicator.  This driver can be identified by the following characteristics:  he has a cell phone by his ear, his lips are moving every three seconds, he has a GPS (for he needs something telling him which turn to take, for he is in the middle of a very important conversation), and on rare occasions he might not have a cell phone at all, but still is talking aloud, for it is a habit at this point.

     The second type of driver is the singer.  This driver can be heard a couple of feet away.  If you by any chance look at the driver, you might be scared at first because all you will see is a very, large, wide mouth; apparently belting out every word of the song to which he is listening. If at all possible, stay four yards behind this driver, for when a mouth is open up to 4 feet in width, the eyes must close somewhat, therefore blocking some of the view for the driver.

     The third driver is the scared driver.  You can identify this driver from his position.  His eyes will be moving left, right, up, and down.  He will be hunched over the steering wheel so he can see everything in front of him.  For health reasons stay ten yards away from this driver. 

     The fourth driver is the confident driver.  The confident driver is completely opposite of driver number three.  He usually appears comfortable and relaxed, almost to the point that if a comet was to crash in front of him, you would think he would just maneuver the car around it.

     The fifth and the sixth drivers are the ones who obey, and the ones that disobey the laws.  The driver who is obedient if frequently seen jotting down license plate numbers belonging to those who are going one mile above the speed limit.  The disobedient driver can be seen taking random exits (as though running from someone). 

     The last two drivers are the short and the tall drivers.  The short driver can barely be seen, for his head reaches the middle of the steering wheel.  However the tall driver can be seen with his head out the window, for there is no vehicle out yet for these drivers.

     These are the eight types of drivers, whose personalities go from one extreme to another.  Due to this, I thoroughly encourage horseback riding. 

P.S.  I hope this made you laugh.