On the Salvation of Children
by Gary L. Cox
When my wife and I first heard the news that we were to have a child, the very first thought I had was the sober reality of raising a child who was headed for hell without the intervening Grace of God. My whole focus narrowed to this daunting task of training "up a child in the way he should go so that when he is old, he won't depart". (Proverbs 22:6) Such a fear as this requires the comfort of the scriptures or the truly caring parent will either go mad with worry or just give up in despair. (Romans 15:4; 1 Corinthians 10:6)
Parenting that is based on the fear of hell requires balancing God's judgment with God's loving provision of a Savior who bore our sins in his body on the tree. (1Peter 2:24) The only biblical advice directly addressing a parent's fear of hell for his child is Proverbs 23:13-14, “Withhold not correction from the child: for [if] you beat him with the rod, he shall not die. You shall beat him with the rod, and shall deliver his soul from hell.” If hell is real and correction with the rod is effective in delivering a child's soul from hell, then use of the rod is a tool of love to be used by the godly parent. Indeed, the scripture declares this: "He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him betimes." (Proverbs 13:24)
It is interesting to me how raising children matures adults. Malachi 2:15 speaks simply and yet profoundly that God’s fundamental purpose for marriage (making two — one) was to seek a godly seed. We ought not to be clones of earthly models or movements; rather, we ought to be expressions of that unique Spirit by which we stir up and express the spirit he has put in us. Marriage creates stress in human relationships that are manifested in the flesh. It takes serious attendance to the condition of one’s spirit (Mal 2:15-16) to keep the flesh from treacherously sinning against the spiritual purposes and reality of marriage and raising children.
What is the point of Malachi 2:15? The Spirit of God and the spirit of man must respond to each other so that man reflects God in his own spirit. Family discipline must be a “no clone zone”. We must stop trying to find the best practices of parenting from the best teachers for the best results. Rather, we must learn what it means to stir up the gifts given by the Spirit within ourselves (2Timothy 1:6; Genesis 1:2) and reflect to our children vital spiritual sensitivity in the everyday matters we face.
Personal family matters are unique in experience and detail, even though they are common to all men. (1Corithians 10:13) But is it essential for parents to appreciate the unique role that they are in as the parents of their own children. God has in sovereignty entrusted specific children to particular parents. It is this relationship that will be used uniquely in the lives of both the parents and children. Only as parents respond personally and directly to the instant occasion and circumstance allowed by God will they be able to draw out the deeper ministry of their own gifts effectively by the Holy Spirit of God.
Children are a spiritual gift to the married couple. (Psalms 127; 128) Though born by flesh and blood, the care of children extends to their eternal spiritual destiny as well. (Proverbs 23:14) Even unbelieving parents are stirred by this eternal purpose, though they understand not what motivates their care. God has set eternity in their hearts, and they cannot fathom its depths, though they are driven by it. (Eccl. 3:11)
What role does the age of accountability play? While I will not quibble over attempts by others to calibrate the degrees of accountability in children, I do sense real danger if a parent is driven by such a fear of a child’s damnation that the parent focuses on the risk/benefit ratio of every parental action, as if salvation is a parental manipulative. For this reason alone, I would not encourage a parent to think in terms of accountability as if it is a measure of maturity into which the child grows. A child is born with such a self-centered disposition that he imagines himself to be the highest focus of all life. All his expressions of need are demands expressed with expectation to be met, and they are. So training a child up involves introducing him to the reality of the eternal God who demands that all men everywhere repent. If not confronted, I am afraid a child can never really mature into a state of conscience before God.
Overall, I believe an individualistic and practical approach that uses the Bible for daily instruction in the gospel is best. This approach combines love with the fear of the Lord and the taking heed to one's spirit by the Spirit of God and the Word of God. (Malachi 2:15; Ephesians 5:17-19; Colossians 3:16-17) Fear of hell is valid but must be in the gospel's context of the happy offer of salvation. “Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear hath torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love. (1John 4:17-18) Perfect love casts out the fear of judgment because we are justified by the blood of Christ. The love of God in sending his Son gives us boldness, not fear of judgment (Hebrews 10:19-24) because the perfect love of God who adopts us into His family makes us perfect in love which casts out fear. (Romans 5:1-5)
In the simple terms of the Bible, Faith comes by hearing the Word of God. (Romans 10:17) This requires the foolishness of preaching so that the Word is heard. (Romans 10:14-15, 1Cor. 1:17-18) Paul reminded Timothy that from a child he had known the Holy Scriptures which were able to make him wise unto salvation. (2Timothy 3:15) Jesus taught plainly that the good seed of the Word of God, though scattered by the Son of Man himself encounters soil (read hearts) that will not allow the seed to bear fruit. (Matthew 13:3-23) The only life-transforming input into children is preaching the Word. Therefore, the first step is to get the heart of the child inclined to hear the instruction of his father and mother. (Proverbs 1:7-9; 2:1-12; etc.)
My wife’s and my own understanding comes from the Bible. Proverbs teaches plainly that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. This truth has set the pattern for our child-training. Our practice is to clarify sin by showing a clear transgression against a command of God (which usually was a command by the parent in early cases). This requires prior instruction by the parent to identify those areas where obedience is required, for where there is no law, there is no transgression, and sin cannot be imputed when there is no transgression. (Romans 5:13) If a transgression occurs, we are careful to discern if the child knew what was expected before we punish with the rod.
We have a simple view of the rod also. The rod is for the back of the fool. (Proverbs 10:13; 22:15; 23:13-14; 26:3) The Psalmist declares that, “The fool hath said in his heart, [There is] no God.…”.(Psalm 14:1; 53:1) We only use the rod for God's definition of foolish behavior. (Romans 1:21) In this way, the rod represents God and his wrath, whom the child is foolishly imagining does not exist. The use of the rod is only the attention-getting expression of authority. After application of the rod, the preaching of the Word is done which clarifies God’s authority and His righteousness and the duty for all men to confess their sin, repent, make restitution and incline the ear to the salvation of the Gospel.
In my opinion, that is the only purpose of the rod, to demonstrate to the child that God has power and authority over all of his creation by experiential revelation of a taste of that wrath through the rod. (Romans 1:18) While one cannot escape the literal use of the rod as a parent (especially with young children) the Hebrew word for rod is also translated scepter, tribe and staff, all of which signify authority. Therefore it is imperative that one never loses sight of the primary focus of the rod, which is to establish the power and authority of God in the heart of a child, which otherwise by its nature binds up all manner of foolish denial of God.
One might object and ask if using the rod to instill fear of the Lord is not contradictory to the warning that there is no fear in love? No! the fear of the Lord leads one to his Word and his Word warns of judgment so that in our weakness we despair even of our very lives. (1Corinthians 1:8) But despair is given to us to teach us not to trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead. (2Corinthians 1:9-11) Fear of the Lord leads to love because it leads us to God, who is love. “He that loves not knows not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son [to be] the propitiation for our sins.” (1John 4:8-10) So in order to be delivered of fear, we must be delivered of our sin. But before we can be delivered from our sin, we must be aware of its existence and the nature of its consequence.
Concerning fear, Satan is the accuser who uses whatever law is known to the individual (Romans 2:14) and presses guilt upon his conscience so as to manipulate him by fear of condemnation. (Romans 2:16; Hebrews 2:15) Satan condemns all men by the guilt pressed upon their conscience for their own sin. (Romans 2:15) Conscience can be seared (1Timothy 4:2b), but that possibility forcefully implies that conscience is useful for dealing with sin until hypocrisy ruins it. (1Timothy 4:2a) Satan uses fear to keep man in bondage to sin. (2Timothy 2:24-26; Hebrews 2:15) He makes us run away and hide in fear, but that only leads to covering our sin, but not with the covering of God’s Spirit. (Isaiah 30:1) This is that fear which has torment of judgment to come.
But the fear of God gives boldness against the day of judgment because one’s sins are not merely revealed, but they are covered by the loving provision of God. (John 3:16; 1John 4:10, 17-18) The one who clearly sees his sin and looks to the uplifted Christ for a covering is the one who will be made perfect in love. The Christian parent is always nurturing these elements with a fluid Spirit-filled instinct when he/she is operating in the love of God.